


i've been (ghosting)

by paopuleaf



Series: eighth wonder [2]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Getting Together, Ghost Gordon Freeman, Ghost Joshua Freeman, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), Possession, again. not in an evil way they r jus vibin, gordos voice so there's this he/they, mari n juliet r the ocs!, they play very minor roles if ocs arent ur thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25235800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paopuleaf/pseuds/paopuleaf
Summary: their chest feels like it's about to claw itself open, and there's tears streaking down their cheeks, but all they can think about is-that's not my fuckin' nightmare.confusion colors their thoughts in lime green, right alongside the pitch pitch black terror, and they kick off all the stupid suffocating covers and get to their feet.-nightmares. kissing. bubby. y'know, the usual. benrey is left picking up the pieces of a puzzle broken apart a long, long time ago.
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby & Gordon Freeman, Gordon Freeman & Joshua Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman
Series: eighth wonder [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828171
Comments: 17
Kudos: 205





	i've been (ghosting)

**Author's Note:**

> before we start- big big BIG thanks to autumn (MorphlingUnderscore ! go read their fics ! now !) for inspiring basically- all of this, but especially the beginning !! your writing is amazing and i kess you. *smooch*  
> this oneshot will probably also make a LOT more sense if you read the one before it !

benrey wakes up  _ screaming. _

they manage to cut themselves off, shoving their face into their pillows so that tommy doesn't run in all-  _ worried _ , or something. just a night terror. those are normal and stupid and-

but… it  _ wasn't _ normal. their chest feels like it's about to claw itself open, and there's tears streaking down their cheeks, but all they can think about is-  _ that's not my fuckin' nightmare.  _ confusion colors their thoughts in lime green, right alongside the pitch pitch black terror, and they kick off all the stupid suffocating covers and get to their feet.

completely out of left field. (they can still feel the  _ burning  _ of the lightning, a test gone so horribly fucking wrong.) 

something pulls them towards the attic. tug tug tug. a hunch? a tether? benrey can't tell, but they go anyway.

and they see- gordon.

floating, curled up so tight tight  _ tight.  _ (he never floats, always walking like he's physical, walking like he's tangible,  _ human _ -) his hair is untied, wild, curling into tendrils like it's alive. benrey takes another step forward, and their ears fuzz with dense, dense static.

"gordon?" their voice is soft but- hoarse, raw, still lingering on that terror terror terror. stolen dreams drag down their limbs.

a slight burst of the static, and benrey grabs ahold of their Seasoned Horror Gamer instincts and refuses to flinch. gordon looks up up up at them, too many eyes and teeth and  _ tears _ , and they think they understand.

still murmuring, they sit down, close enough for gordon to reach out but enough to give him some space. base instincts are screaming at them to run run  _ run _ , but they wait. gordon will settle, eventually.

when he does, finally falling onto the ground, he looks so fucking-  _ tired.  _ inhuman features flicker on and off in intervals, and when they move a little too fast that static  _ rings.  _ another suppressed flinch.

"'s okay, bro, hey. 's jus' a nightmare, 's just me." 

gordon mumbles some denial, shaking his hand, but the static subsides, just a little. they reach out and grab his hand - which mean he's  _ letting  _ them, and the trust trust trust is enough to make their heart calm - holding it gently and rubbing shapes into it with their thumb.

his tears are silent, but his body shakes all the same.

and they stay.

they're not entirely sure when they fall asleep, exhaustion grabbing at them, but when they wake up, they're back in their bed, hand still intertwined with gordon's. he's in some facsimile of sleep; it feels less human and more like when tommy puts stabby the roomba into rest mode. 

"mornin'," they mumble. with their free hand, they reach out, gently brushing away some of his hair. it's still loose.  _ do ghosts need to buy new hairties? is there a spirit black market? … holy shit, bro.  _ benrey shakes away those thoughts to focus on the ghost across from them. "y' doin' better? epic gaymer momence now?" 

a soft, soft laugh, still shaky. benrey wants to put it on their soundboard and press the button over and over again.  _ gayass.  _ "epic gaymer momence now," he echoes. "... thanks for."

benrey waits. gordon doesn't continue, just- gently squeezes their hand, and it gives them a… good enough idea. in lieu of response, they tap twice on their chest, and he slips in.  _ do you also get the same nice weighted blanket psp feels?  _

"feels less like little big planet psp and more like…" he trails off, idly fiddling with the edge of a pillowcase. "like watching the stars on the roof, half-lying on a fluffy blanket with nothing but the moon." 

_ feels like home.  _ benrey gets the message- direct to brain, streamlined, 1080p. " _ sappy _ . sure y' didn't go to ghost college for poetry, bro?" 

"shuuuuut. when you're alone in an attic for god knows how many fucking years with like, two boxes of old books, you pick up on some stuff." 

"dork." 

"yeah, yeah." 

neither of them move to get up until the sunlight is too bright on their eyes through the blinds and, in gordon's words, 'their hair is too greasy to stand.' they doze off while gordon puts in dry shampoo, only blinking awake again as he leaves the room, hair clean.

"good morning, benrey!" tommy waves from his seat at the dining table. there's a soda in front of him, horizontal, a tell-tale hole at the bottom that lets benrey know he shotgunned it.  _ niiiiice.  _ he might have a very professional science job at some weird lab straight out of your local video game, but you could never escape the fratboy years. 

_ never. _

they're  _ pretty _ sure tommy taught them how at some point, but gordon wanders over anyway, poking at the can curiously. "whuh. what did y' fuckin'... why is there a hole here, bro? little baby hole? couldn't- couldn't pop the tab?" 

his impression of them never ceases to amaze.

"bwuh- benrey, i've- i've told you how to do this before!" tommy sounds- annoyed as he picks up the can and shows gordon the top, tab popped. "do you need me to- to show you again? it's really easy!" 

there's this suspicious little glint in tommy's eyes, but gordon nods anyway, still relaxed and nonchalant.  _ this'll be a fuckin'- goods.  _ "yeah sure bro. bet i'll be- be so fuckin' good at it. epic gamer moments." 

benrey makes no move to interfere as tommy hands gordon keys, watching as he pokes a Pretty Shitty hole and then- 

he lifts. he  _ tries  _ to take a sip.

soda spills down their arms to their elbows, and gordon splutters, nearly dropping the can. sunkist bounds over, licking at the carpet. "whuh-" 

tommy has his hand over his face as if that'll hide the smug grin, eyes flashing in bright yellow amusement. benrey can't stop fucking laughing. gordon has the most absolutely murderous vibes, but there's a grin buried underneath all of it even as he scrambles to wash off the sticky drink.

"i'm fuckin'- i'm going again, dude." wow. the embarrassment was enough for the token Gordon Freeman dialect to slip through, half-southern and a little too loud. benrey  _ still  _ can't stop cackling. he starts to dig through the fridge, pulling out the cardboard sunkist box only for it to be empty. "are you- you've got to be fucking  _ kidding me. _ we- i'm going to the grocery store. bye tommy." 

tommy waves, eyebrows furrowed in an expression benrey would've  _ loved  _ to look deeper into if gordon didn't rush them out of the house so fast. he leaves their body soon after, face red and hair lashing, all fire with no real heat behind it. 

"'bet i'll be so fuckin' good at it', huh," benrey mumbles, barely fending off a smirk. gordon huffs, shoving them into the grass beside the sidewalk, hands hot-but-cold in that weird ghost way. (they're not sure if they're ever gonna get used to it; they  _ are  _ gonna keep cuddling him, so they probably have to.) "now we gotta- gotta go buy more soda. gonna try again? add another moment to your cringe comp, bro?" 

"come-  _ c'mon,  _ dude, shuuut it. you could've stopped me at  _ any  _ time. you do realize i was in your body, right? tommy thinks  _ you _ fucked it up."

there's a moment of brain-  _ lag _ , or whatever the term is, while benrey processes that.

"aw, damn." their voice is the same monotone, but they mimic the pleading emoji with their hands, trying to look up at gordon as…  _ pleading _ -ly as they can. it does not work. damn. gotta put more of their points into charisma. "'m gonna- gonna out your ghost ass to tommy. just so i won't look like a dummy idiot who can't- can't shotgun- uh- uh- soda." 

gordon goes tense at that, one hand reaching up and tugging at his hair. "asshole. don't- fuckin', threaten me with that shit. we both know you won't." 

not-so-confident words hiding a question.  _ you won't, will you?  _ out of all the people to reveal himself to, to  _ trust, _ it was… benrey. weird choice, but- "... yeah, you're right. don't wanna- don't wanna subject anyone else to your stealing." 

"i don't- what the fuck are you talking about?" 

"oh, y'know." 

"i  _ don't _ , actually! benrey, what the hell-?" 

they grin, sticking their hands into their hoodie pocket, and gordon- relaxes, hand unwinding from his hair to flick their cheek. "jerk. don't bully the big bad poltergeist, i could take you,  _ easy. _ " 

"says the one who lost mario kart four times in a row the other night." 

"says the one who tried to stick a fork into the microwave." 

"bro- bro, i can't be held accountable for my actions before noon. too sleepy." 

gordon scoffs. "yeah, because setting the house on fire is something you'll get off from scot-free." 

"two words: bubby." 

"... fair." 

they fall into a comfortable silence, walking down the streets of downtown until gordon stiffens again. benrey hasn't said anything to set him off again, so they glance around, hands twisting into their sleeves. cautious. 

" _ joshua? _ " 

gordon darts off, feet leaving the ground as he flies off. they scramble after him, bright red alarm alarm alarm coloring every action. "gordon, you- whuh-" turning the corner, they skid to a stop in front of two women and a- suspiciously transparent kid. 

"you- have to let me see him, c'mon, that's my  _ kid _ -" 

one of the pair shakes her head, detective-style hat nearly sliding off her head. "no- no way, dude. we've been taking care of him for-" 

"dad!" the kid pushes past the women and tackles gordon to the ground, and gordon looks- 

he looks so, so happy. "joshua- joshie, i'm so happy you're okay-" benrey blinks, looking from him to  _ joshua  _ to the two women. they both look just about as confused as them, so at least it wasn't just gordon keeping them out of the loop. 

"i'm- benrey. gordon's… uh." what  _ are  _ they? the lines are a little blurry, so they just shrug. "cool to. meetcha. got your… passport?" internally, they wince. why did  _ that  _ echo have to come back all of the sudden.

"who just- carries around their passport?" the detective hat lady huffs. "i'm juliet. this is my girlfriend, mari. we've been taking care of joshua for… a couple years now." 

"he's a good kid. didn't know he still had… family around," mari says, and yeah, that makes sense. gordon didn't tell them, either, and they explain as much, still feeling the vestiges of panic on their skin.

gordon gets to his feet, lifting joshua onto his shoulders. "y'all are- 'm sorry. for- getting pushy. haven't seen joshie in…" his expression shifts. a little more guarded, a little more regretful. "a while." 

"dad got trapped up in an attic!" 

( _ "hey, tommy, check out this snail execution line. 'm gonna fuck it up."  _

_ "now, benrey, why would there be snails in an attic! i think it's ghosts!"  _

_ "don't let the ghosts out, dipshit." _

_ "oops, too late." _ )

"... i've connected the dots." 

"you didn't connect shit," juliet finishes, before walking over to gordon. "you better-  _ better _ have just been trapped in a fucking attic, ghostboy. because if you're the reason why joshua gets so homesick and you were able to come get him? i'm gonna kill you. again." 

"and i'll help, too." 

the combination of both mari and juliet making threats is  _ rad.  _ benrey watches as gordon blinks, looking acutely like he would have his hands up in surrender were they not holding onto joshua's shoes. 

"i- got it. i was- trapped, by some ghost hunters." a barely repressed snarl. "they- they made a ring of salt, around the attic, so i couldn't fu- frickin'- get out, do anything but- but get angry and corrupt and-" the edges of his form begin to glitch, and benrey scoots over, putting their hand over one of his. joshua gives them a little, trembling smile.

"i- my death was. violent. angry. joshua was the only thing keeping me from losing my form entirely. and when i couldn't- couldn't-" shaky inhale. "i told him to leave. didn't want him to- to see me like that," gordon finishes. doesn't make eye contact with mari or juliet, or even benrey. clutches tight tight tight to his- his  _ son. _

mari exchanges an unreadable glance with juliet, before pulling out her phone and shoving it into benrey hands. they fumble with it for a moment before staring down at the contacts screen. "... whuh." 

"put your number in. address too. obviously we're not just gonna- let this angst fest keep happening. we'll bring joshua over… this weekend? and figure out like- ghost custody." she shrugs, leaning against juliet's shoulder. benrey quickly types and hands it back. "nice! joshua, you ready to go?" 

joshua hesitates, clinging onto his dad for a second longer before nodding. "okay! as long as- as long as we get to visit him super soon! right, dad?" 

"... right," gordon echoes, gently setting joshua down. there's a soft smile on his face as he ruffles his hair, and benrey mentally snapshots the expression to think about  _ later,  _ so they don't have to worry about the pink crayon scribbling on their ears. "see you, joshie. i love you so, so much, remember that." 

"i love you too! i'll see you really, really soon!" 

"yeah. yeah, buddy, see you really, really soon." 

mari and juliet wave, joshua floating behind them, and benrey turns to gordon. "bro- bro you didn't mention you were a dad. this turns your hotness factor up by, like… one million percent. dilf. holy shit you're a  _ dilf- _ " 

"shut the  _ fuck up,  _ oh my god-" 

"gordos feetman local dilf ghost- will he give the benrey a little kissy? little kissy on the cheek?" 

"i'm going to kill you." 

benrey pouts, grabbing gordon's hand again. "aw, c'mon, just a little kissy- what's a kiss between homies?" 

"i- hate you," gordon hisses, but he leans down and gives benrey the lightest kiss on their cheek and oh god they're going to die now, they're gonna die but at least they got a little kissy from gordon freeman. benreybenreyben.exe has stopped working. "was that- was that good, benrey? a satisfactory little kissy,  _ bro _ ?" 

"huh? whuh? i. uh." 

gordon grins, eyes lighting up-  _ literally.  _ "oh, so it was bad? no more kiss?" 

"i swear to god, dude…" benrey trails off, shoving their hood over their head. "it was goods, dude, uh." they're drawn back to how blurry the lines felt when they introduced themselves, to the feelings they haven't been caring to hide but haven't really been  _ thinking  _ about, either. "niiiiice. gordon knows how to kiss and he does it  _ well. _ " 

that gets a bright laugh out of him. "yeah, yeah. c'mon, we gotta go buy that soda, remember?" 

"whuh?" 

"gotta try to shotgun again! prove tommy wrong. and  _ you. _ " 

benrey thinks their brain might be permanently fried, now, but they manage to nod, letting gordon tug them along to the store. (does it look weird to other people? with a ghost? fuck if they know. fuck if they  _ care _ , either way.) 

they hurry home with two twelve-packs, gordon looking… lighter, somehow. his feet are touching the ground and his form is  _ solid.  _ if benrey didn't already know he was a ghost, they'd probably pass him over as just- a normal dude. 

"- and we used to play this game where we'd take turns scaring the absolute  _ shit  _ out of the hunters- the more incompetent ones, obviously. joshie never got hurt," gordon rambles, 'leaning' against the porch swing as benrey struggles to unlock the door. "the ones with the voiceboxes were always the best. joshua would say ominous shit in his cute little kid voice and they'd almost  _ always  _ run off." 

"did joshie win? get all the achievement points?" 

"of course, dude! it's the whole creepy little kid ghost schtick, everyone's more interested in that than some boring dude in his late twenties." 

"boring," benrey echoes, monotone.  _ incredulous,  _ really. "kinda- kinda fuckin', uh, hard to believe. y're one of a kind." 

gordon makes a little choked noise, but when benrey glances over, he's turned away. they blink, but shrug it off and unlock the door ( _ finally, jesus christ _ ), stepping inside with the sodas in hand. "yoooooo tommy, home for another try." 

no response. the leash is gone from the coat hanger, so tommy's… probably out taking sunkist for a walk. damn. after gordon's little comment, benrey  _ really  _ wanted to prove that they're not a cringe idiot with no fratboy powers and abilities. 

unfortunate.

"shut the hell up, benrey!" 

oh! there's still company. gordon stiffens and slips inside their body, curling up like a snake ready to lash out and bite. benrey notes that down and then immediately shoves that aside in favor of setting the soda down on the counter. not heavy, but- that cardboard really just  _ loves _ to dig into their skin. ugh.

"yo, bubby, wanna see me shotgun a soda?" 

bubby pokes his head out of the office door, scowling. "no, idiot. you're gonna get soda all over the fucking floor. who's gonna clean that shit up?" 

"dunno, maybe cleaning it up will make up for your fuckin' murder tendencies, bro-" and yeah, that's definitely gordon speaking. his tone is- harsh, clashing with the token benrey monotone he's trying to keep up. "or your shitty singing skills.  _ really.  _ keep practicing dr. feelgood in the shower, your boomer vocal cords are never gonna get better!" 

_ you're- losin' the impression, bro, 's okay. calm down.  _ their mind feels- fuzzy, around the edges, like the static gordon was emitting last night is in them and physical and and and- 

_ sorry _ , comes the quiet apology, and it clears. they shake their head and tug their hair into a ponytail- guided mostly by gordon, since they're absolute  _ shit  _ at putting their hair up. 

bubby is staring at them, just a little dumbfounded, before he glares. "you have no grounds to stand on, judging my singing. how did you even  _ hear  _ it?" 

"bro- bro, my voice is wonderful." 

"you're avoiding the question!" 

they cackle, relishing in the satisfaction that both of them feel, winking at bubby before whisking themselves up the stairs. soda can wait. loooong day. nightmares, dilfs, kissing, bubby. ( _ not  _ 'kissing bubby'. top ten reasons why commas are important.)

gordon leaves and collapses onto the bed, burying himself in pillows and blankets while benrey sets up the xbox. "i hate him. i hate him so fucking much." 

"why were you spying on him in the shower, bro?" 

"i  _ wasn't!  _ that stupid fucking-  _ asshole  _ sings so loud the whole house would hear him if it wasn't fucking- empty!" his voice is getting louder, tinged with annoyance and anger anger anger. (familiar.) "fucker doesn't even own up to the  _ one  _ action that-" 

static. he cuts himself off and completely vanishes under the covers, the only sign he's still there being the Lump and the slight trembling. a frown flickers across benrey's face. they really  _ want  _ to ask about the whole- murder tendencies thing. it's not the first time gordon's thrown it at bubby in an argument; at this point it's every other insult, pointed and- almost  _ personal.  _ (but that can't be right, can it?)

it's- probably not the time. benrey might not pick up on most social cues, but sharing a body makes picking up on gordon's stuff easy mode. 

instead, they tap twice on the lump until gordon wiggles his hand out. the xbox controller (second player, of course) fits neatly into his hand, and it convinces him to come all the way out. his eyes are glazed over, hair wet like he's been showering. benrey doesn't mention that, either.

"what do you wanna name the world, bro?" 

"... etholotus." 

"i can't fuckin'- spell. here." gordon laughs as benrey shoves the controller at him, quickly inputting the name and handing it back. "where's that from?" 

he shrugs. "cool minecraft youtuber. cool flower. cool name?" 

"... niiice." 

they boot up the new world, spawning in a mega taiga biome and cheering. "yell heah. this is the only valid biome, everyone else- uh, every- everyone else can go home."

"spruce wood is the second-best w-" 

"don't you dare say acacia wood is the best. don't. fuck acacia wood all the homies hate acacia wood." 

gordon falls silent.

"... gordon. bro." 

"then i won't say it," he responds, lips twitching. benrey shoves him. "hey! asshole. just because  _ i  _ have good taste doesn't mean-"

"this is  _ not  _ what you call good taste, holy shit-" 

gordon finally breaks, laughing, and benrey groans. "is this revenge for dilf? 'm gonna- hack into the matrix, delete all your- your achievements. you're gonna have to start from scratch." 

"good luck with that." 

"brooooo." 

"gonna go find a cool and sexy mesa biome-"

" _ brooooo. _ " 

they fall into comfortable banter, not even noticing as the alarm clock in the corner of the bedroom ticks into the AMs. benrey shifts to lean further and further on gordon until their head is in his lap, controller loosely held. 

"... we kissed earlier." 

"mhm?" gordon glances down, looking curious. "what about it?" 

they fiddle with the joystick, not minding when the stimming sends their character right off a cliff. "i think i like you dude. like... for real like you." 

another hum. "huh. that's mutual." 

"cool." 

there's a couple more minutes of idle minecraft playing and getting killed by zombies before benrey speaks up again. "y'wanna date about it?" 

"fuck yeah." gordon grins, reaching down and running his fingers through their hair. "we were practically dating before anyway, y'know." 

benrey grins, leaning into the touch. "no yeah definitely. fellas is it... fellas is it gay to cuddle with your ghost." 

"fellas is it gay to possess your best friend and do domestic chores with them." 

"fellas is it gay to ask your homie for a lil kissy." 

they both fall silent for a moment, before gordon starts giggling, oh so contagious. benrey leans up for a moment to lazily press a kiss to his cheek, and then falls back down.

sometime between one blink and another, gordon's shut down minecraft, and is now just... holding their hand. that's cool. that's rad. "you should sleep, ben," gordon murmurs. they like that nickname. ben. it sounds good.

"yeah, okay, i'll keep it around. now sleep." 

"was i… uh. out loud talk?" 

a snort. gordon just keeps brushing their hand with his free hand, and it's- soothing. their eyes slip closed, and- 

_ they walk down the hallway, hev suit tight against their skin. the helmet feels  _ awful,  _ and they really just want to go back to their locker and rip it off. replace it with a hair-tie, or something. _

_ "howdy," they greet, waving half-heartedly to the scientists in the airlock. how  _ they  _ got drafted for this test, out of all the possible fucking candidates, they have no idea. "hey-"  _

_ the name cuts off into static, piercing. they continue as if nothing happened. the blurry figure they're talking to looks shifty, nervous.  _ familiar,  _ their mind whispers, the part that isn't made out of stolen memories and buried anger. _

_ "- so, you here to supervise the test?"  _

_ the static figure nods, teeth bared (too sharp sharp sharp) in some semblance of a grin. "of course! i've been on this project since the very beginning, gordon! supervisor, obviously." (not gordon not gordon-) _

_ and something-  _ clicks.

_ "you were the one who put me on the test, weren't you?" slow. careful. it's strange on their tongue. "the very dangerous test that could get me killed. i thought we were  _ friends- _ " and the fucking-  _ static,  _ again. they're getting real sick of the static. _

_ a scowl from the other. (the name is right there there there-)  _

_ "all's fair in science! you should be  _ honoured _ to have the opportunity."  _

_ it's so coated in false bravado that they recoil, grimacing. "fine.  _ fine.  _ i'm sure-" static- "- is going to have a  _ ball  _ when he finds out."  _

_ and as they go to the door of the test, they hear a faint- "that's  _ if _ , he finds out." _

_ before they can whirl around, they're shoved into the test chamber. it's a blur from there, until the moment they're shoving the sample into the machine, and - and - and - _

_ lightning flickers out. they watch, as if in slow-motion, it hit their chest. everything goes so painfully, painfully black and-  _

and they wake up. gordon is next to them, form flickering again, holding their hand so tightly it feels like it could break.

benrey doesn't complain. they're too busy trying to put together the familiar, familiar pieces of a long since abandoned puzzle.

**Author's Note:**

> hi gamers. back on my bullshit. you wanna come yell at me about it? find me on my tumblr [@[rylron](https://rylron.tumblr.com)] !  
> all of the comments n kudos n bookmarks on the last fic really !! stunned me !! thank u guys so much. i hope u guys enjoyed gays 2 electric boogaloo. big thanks AGAIN to autumn n the rest of the hlvrai hellhole server !!


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